Got a toothbrush?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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