I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
