there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
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You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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