: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
