Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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