I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
