i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
