she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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