Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
