I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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