We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We need to get me chipped asap
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