i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?