I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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