According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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