i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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