so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
