I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
