i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
