my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
