Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
