Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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