If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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