i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
