if you like me you must not know who I am
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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