I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
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I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
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We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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