Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
