Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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