Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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