You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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