but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize