the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
