That's when you crack a 10am beer
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Let's get the cat blown out
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
