Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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