My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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