You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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