just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
