apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
