I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize