The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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