You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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