So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
