you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm always down for nudity.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
