I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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