I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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