Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
