if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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