Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
