Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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