Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
