If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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