My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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