So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
