cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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