I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
