You're my little dorito
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
