I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
