He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
