I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
not ubering you a puppy
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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