i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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