Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He felt like a one man threesome
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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