she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
