Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
