omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
